At one time in my life, I knew a guy named Eric. Eric worked with me on a job back in 2008. During the time I knew Eric, he began to grow his artistic talents quite a bit.
He was a Photographer… and at the time, so was I. I was more focused on Photography then other visual arts.
Together, we chatted and I quickly got into a friendship with the guy.
I also watched him spiral out of control. It’s a lesson to every artist.
Eric’s story was this:
While I knew him, I watched him go from casual hobby interest into photography – to spending 20,000-30,000 on equipment. He began reaching out to models on modelmayhem.com and soon started doing shoots with women who want to get free pictures and he wanted experience as a photographer.
As time went on, he started obsessing about his work. Every shot he took he would send to me. He’d send to everyone. He craved attention. His focus, wasn’t on the artwork, but on impressing people.
Eric stole my ideas – he stole other people’s ideas. In fact that’s the reason I stopped talking with him at the end.
Eric also obsessed. Soon he was spending more time with the models, than with his own wife. The models became such a focus that this guy was doing full nude shots in hotel rooms. Secret meetings with models, secret cell phone to get calls from models… it became quite weird. But he was very proud of it. He hid most of his work from his wife. Whether he cheated on his wife, I don’t know. But his decision to hide his work, to do full nude shots in hotel rooms… to have such close relationships with models just got really weird.
Every weekend, Eric was out with a model. Taking them to the desert, to the wilderness, to a hotel room… Each Monday, he’d spam me with hundreds of shots… “look at this one…” and I’d sit there going, “Dude this isn’t safe for work… don’t show me here.”
As time went on, our friendship dissolved.
Recently, I heard through the grapevine, that he no longer lives with his wife. Maybe they’ll repair the situation… or maybe it will get worse. But what’s for sure… this is a lesson.
It’s a lesson in obsession. Most of artists I know of, don’t obsess like he did. We don’t normally go out and spend $30,000 and hook up with nude models each weekend.
But, many of us do ignore the important things in our lives, for the “art.”
I’m guilty of ignoring my wife, so I can paint. Of ignoring my spiritual path, so I can do some 3D artwork. It’s the same obsession, at a lesser degree. But it’s equally invalid.
It’s invalid art, because it doesn’t come from inside me. It is a product of a desire to impress others. Just like Eric. I’m sitting here trying to impress someone. Some group of people on deviantart.com or some friends on facebook.com.
Unless I’m doing art for a client, I shouldn’t care what others think. I shouldn’t care if the art is accepted. If there is a client, yes of course the client’s needs will need to be addressed. But that’s not the same thing. When we try to impress our friends, our ego is involved.
Picture a Tall, Straight Tree. The trunk is the center. When we do art for the acceptance of others, we are like sitting on the edge of a branch. When we create from our heart – we are at the center of the tree. This is our stable center. This is our stability.
So try not to focus so much on others, on the whims of those around us. Try to focus on the meaning of art – self expression.
In Buddhism there’s a form of photography called Miksang (meditative photography) that helps a photographer find their center. The techniques are very good to rethink the photographic exercise.
One could also spend some time in contemplation and meditation. Clearing the mind. Being in the moment, is the most important thing. When we find our thoughts going in the direction of “If I finish this and put it up for my friends to see, they’ll love this” we’ve gone wrong. That’s leaving the moment, our center. Stop thinking of the future… of the acceptance of others… Focus instead on our present moment. This moment. Right now.
